Life with Father

I was forced out of blog retirement to combat the foul calumny spread by my dear wife on yesterdays blog. The impression given was that all the men in town had deserted the bevbed for recreational activities. For example The Dad was said to be sunning himself on the beach ! I hereby wish to state that my only reason for seaking the seaside was to thoroughly wash and sterilise the five loads of laundry that my beloved daughter and son in law had preserved for my arrival. Following an ancient asian tradition the finest strategy for sterilising items from the sick room is scrubbing with sand, rinsing with saltwater and exposure to strong sunlight. And if my beloved wife has given anyone the impression that Tom has fled to Scotland to play the ancient game where they hit a haggis with a stick and knock it into the well, that is also an evil falsehood ! Tom is actually on a medical mission for Memorial Sloane Kettering to find and bring back lucky white heather for the Hospital phytopharmaceutical research programme. Incidentally have you all noticed that something strange happens to people's spelling in this First Ave Health Spa. First we have Tom with 'Naseaus", then Beverley with "apparantly" and now my own dear wife - who was trained at CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY PRESS- steps forward with "laundery." And now to Bev as the Bard said. Yesterday was a tough day with much throat pain engendered by the medical staff asking her to swallow two pills. Sounds simple I hear you say, but her mother and I should have been there to warn them that asking the Ellar girls to swallow pills is like asking your trusting friend to retrieve your wedding ring which you have acidentally dropped in your petrol tank, by looking into the opening with a candle. As children, a pill could only be introduced orally if the girl concerned held it between her own forefinger and thumb, placed it on the back of her tongue, closed her mouth until the parents averted their gaze and then silently but explosively propilled (sic) it away from her mouth, usually behind the red couch! Too weak to spit across the room Beverley accidentally swallowed the little beasties which promptly settled in her upper glottal regions and were a major pain for much of yesterday. Late in the wee small hours the decision was made to increase her euphoria with some serious poppy extract. This did the trick although Beverley has some exciting and fascinating mini episodes where she tells us all about the need to train more horses for the trip to mars ! But the good news is the pain is under control, she is showering regularly, she has enough voice now to blow away an unresponsive midnight medic and -best of all -she has been told she has "perfect urine" (Thanks to a proper parental upbringing I hear you say). Thanks to all of you for your messages- they are great medicine beyond anything they can give her here. I think we are on the way.
The Dad