'Transplant Eve'

Well, I guess there's no turning back now and that thought has led me to think about how I have chosen to fight this miserable disease and also to ask you to put another fighter and his family in your prayers tonight. We just got the news tonight that Tom's good friend Patrick's father, Mike Floyd or 'The Commish' as he was known to his good friends finally lost his battle with leukemia. Our thoughts and prayers are with Patrick and his family.

This news on this particular day has led me to think about lots of things but most of all it has led me to wonder about what the last two years have meant to me. By the time I was finally officially diagnosed there were all sorts of fancy test results, many doctors dancing attendance and lots of choices to be made but for some reason, 4 weeks earlier the first time I was told by a lab technician that something looked a little odd I was totally alone. Tom had returned to work thinking I was about to undergo a routine needle biopsy for what we thought was a cyst. I stood alone in that exam room as the technician came back and forth each time looking more unsure and during one of the times she was out of the room I found myself standing in front of the mirror and I remember saying to myself out loud, "Whatever it is, you can do this". I was very scared but I now know that what has been key to my survival since then is that I embraced it all from day one as part of MY life, MY journey and MY struggle. Ahh to rewind the clock and indeed plenty of people have since asked me don't I wonder why me? My good friend Ailis most recently asked me don't I sometimes get angry that it's just not fair? The short answer is hey, we all have good days and bad days and I aint no saint but the long answer is no, it's all me and you can't have any of it and I don't want to lose any of it either. Life is not some surgical procedure where you get to remove the fat from under the eyes when you turn 40. You gotta love it all and make your peace with it as you go along.

My point is that on the eve of this rather risky procedure they call a stem cell transplant if someone came to me and offered me the choice I still wouldn't rewind that clock. I have lived my life every day since that hideous day in that examining room at NYU and you can't have any of it - every day has been precious whether it was spent in fear listening to doctors talk statistics or sitting at the Dip Net Inn eating a crab melt on sourdough with my honey. I have smelled the roses and let me tell you they smell good. Eat, drink and be merry in memory of 'The Commish' and everyone else who has faced this and survived. In the words of the Dip Net Inn in Port Clyde, ME. "Live Long, Love Strong and Eat Seafood".


p.s. You can all blame my brother's girlfriend's sister, Amanda if this is morbid cause she wasn't cooking anything good to distract me on her blog today!

http://www.figsoliveswine.blogspot.com/